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Stupid Slogans
James Wysong · October 19, 2004

Travel industry advertising is a joke. Who is coming up with all of these stupid slogans, anyway?

I'm stuck in an airplane at the end of the runway in Chicago for four hours when a flight attendant reads an announcement that concludes with, "It's time to fly." My blood begins to boil as I want to yell up to her, "Honey it was time to fly four freakin' hours ago."

How about, "You are free to move about the country." Yeah, in a cattle car.

I walk through the airports or watch commercials on TV and laugh at the ridiculous advertising that must be costing fortunes.

I'll give you a few quick examples:

In Washington Dulles one airport hotel sports the slogan, "Wave to the plane." Somehow it makes me think I am going to hear and feel the plane all night long as well.

In Chicago, there is another airport hotel with the slogan, "So close to the airport, it's like sleeping on the runway." And this is a good thing?

"Children fly free." Now there's a scary thought.

Unless I am with my children, there would be no question in my mind how much I would avoid that flight. Aren't the airlines interested in attracting more business passengers?

Don't think that's going to do it.

And what's with the airlines that are in deep financial trouble painting their planes in new color schemes? Are they trying to say, "Hey people, we're not broke, look at our shiny new airplanes?" I know one airline out there that currently has three different paint jobs. Doesn't its CEO realize that the paint cost is eating into his salary?

United Airlines had the slogan "Rising." While I guess it was better than "Falling," it always made me think that it should have been the official airline of Viagra.

Now it's on to "Ted" which, if pronounced backwards, is something United is all too familiar with.

Does anybody get that cartoon-based commercial where the man is wearing two different colored shoes? I'm not sure, but are they making fun of their own passengers' ability to dress correctly?

Why not come out with the truth?

How about, "Sure, we know we are a cattle-car service but at least we aren't ripping you off."

Or, in instead of Ted or Song why not roll out a new concept in airline - BYOA, Bring Your Own Airline. "We don't have pillows, blankets, food, cards or comfortable seats. We will get you from A to B but for anything else you need to bring your own."

It's basically the way it is now anyway, without the excuses.

There is only one airline that has consistently humorous commercials. Coincidently, its seems to be the only profitable one as well.

Airline slogans bring to mind one of my favorite airline stories.

A gorgeous flight attendant was in her uniform for a flight back to her base. It was an irregular operation, so she was traveling on a different airline.

The seat next to her was free so an admiring man from nearby was keen to snatch up the opportunity. He smiled broadly as she returned a courteous, but disinterested smile.

He couldn't work out the uniform she was wearing because it was unlike the working staffs' outfit. In an attempt to make polite conversation and to find out whom she worked for, he leaned over and said,

"So do you love to fly and it shows?"

She looked over, smiled, and said politely " No, no, that's not me." She quickly turned away, and pretended to read.

"Are you something special in the air?"

She rolled her eyes and tried to convey her annoyance. "No, not that one either." No smile or courtesy was shown.

He thought about it for a while smiled and replied, "Do you fly the friendly skies?"

Quite upset at this point, she turned to the man and said, "Will you just F--- Off and leave me alone!"

He replied confidently nodding his head, "Aahaahhhh, Pan Am."

I'm running a poll on best and worst airline industry ads ever. Email me with your picks to and I will post the results in a future column.

James Wysong has worked as a flight attendant with two major international carriers during the past fifteen years. He is the author of the "The Plane Truth: Shift Happens at 35,000 Feet" and "The Air Traveler's Survival Guide." For more information about Frank or his books, see his Web site or e-mail him.