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Lost in Translation
James Wysong · January 4, 2005

Accents are wonderful; they are the variables that make the English language interesting. They are the ingredients that seem to spice up this plain, but popular, way of talking. It's when a person has a different comprehension of a common saying that things can get really interesting.

He was a small wide-eyed Indian man. His balding head was poorly disguised with the few long strands of hair combed over from one side to the opposite. His extremely thin body accented his facial features, with glasses about three sizes to big for his face. Never before had he ventured out of Bombay, and was obviously very excited about visiting America. The beaming smile never left his face.

He spoke no English except a few sentences that had obviously been taught to him at a previous date.

"I am begging your pardon, one walking Johnny, please." He asked with a smile and a round nod of the head.

" 'Walking Johnny?' " I asked.

"Walking Johnny, walking Johnny," as he pointed to the tray of liquor miniatures in my cart.

"Ah, Johnny Walker Scotch," I gave it to him with a can of soda water just in case.

He nodded his head and replied, "From the heart of my bottom, I am thanking you."

I chuckled to myself and just thought he might have switched it by mistake this once. I soon discovered that this was one of the only English expressions that he knew, and was quite proud to say it with every gesture.

"From the heart of my bottom, I am thanking you."

Now, if I were to thank people from the heart of my bottom, I am sure that people would be offended. I think what he was trying to say was, "from the bottom of my heart," but there was no way we could convey to this man that this sentence was wrong. Although we had a fun time trying, I am sure he spent his American tour thanking people from the heart of his bottom.

I always wondered if a family member taught him this saying wrong on purpose, as a joke. It happens more than you think, and if you think about it, it's a pretty good joke. Therefore, I tried it.

A while back, I got lucky because I had a month of Stockholm trips. I was excited because I had never been to Sweden, and normally couldn't fly these trips, because I was too junior. I wanted to learn as much of the language as possible. On the first trip, I befriended the Swedish translator on board and asked her many questions regarding pronunciations and sayings. I probably massacred the language, but felt proud that I had tried.

The next trip, I flew with a new flight attendant named John. He, too, was excited because this was his first trip. He must have seen too many Swedish erotica films, because all he wanted to do was meet "Swedish babes" on his layover. He wanted to ask the translator some pick-up lines in Swedish, but was too shy because the translator was a woman. I told him that I would ask her later, but he kept pestering me until I asked.

I devised a plan. I asked the translator in confidence to tell me what, "I have a very small penis," was in Swedish. She blushed but told me anyway. I memorized it, and told him that when he met a beautiful girl on his layover, he should tell her how beautiful she was by repeating the following line, "Jag har en liten snopp."

He repeated and memorized it the whole flight. He said it aloud a few times. I knew that he was saying it right when a Swedish passenger laughed as he overheard. The thought of him using the line for "potential babes" kept me in tears of laughter the whole layover.

A friend of mine tried the same thing in Italy; except this time he told the new flight attendant how to say, "Nobody move, this is a stickup," instead of, "I would like to exchange some money." Half way through the line at the bank, they wisely decided to let him in on the joke.

If you get a prankster friend trying to teach you foreign phrases, it might be a good idea to double check the translation. In many cases you will be thanking me from the heart of your bottom.

James Wysong has worked as a flight attendant with two major international carriers during the past fifteen years. He is the author of the "The Plane Truth: Shift Happens at 35,000 Feet" and "The Air Traveler's Survival Guide." For more information about Frank or his books, see his Web site or e-mail him.