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What's So Funny?
James Wysong · December 28, 2004

A passenger approached me in the back galley with a semi-smug grin. "I guess there's not much to laugh at in the airline industry these days, eh?"

I just blew it off with a smile and a shrug of my shoulders. I didn't want to get into it at that moment, but the more I thought about it, the more I disagreed. Sure, times are tough in the airline world but there is always plenty to laugh at, you just have to look a bit harder.

The following week, I made it my mission to find the humor of airline travel. This is what I came up with.

I drive off to work and my neighbor who, after telling him hundreds of times otherwise, still believes that I am the pilot and my wife is the flight attendant, even though it is the other way around.

I pick up my paycheck and on the reverse side is advertising, which is a bit pathetic in itself, but what is truly funny is that the ad is for an employment agency. Is my company trying to tell me something?

During passenger boarding I listened to the boarding music and really started to laugh. It's a transatlantic flight and the song is the theme to the disaster movie "Titanic". Does anyone from the airline ever really listen to the content of the boarding music? I guess not, because the next song was the theme song to a competitor airline's ad campaign. Additionally, on the way back the boarding song was "Send in the Clowns." Nobody got it except me.

Do the people who make up the boarding music have a warped sense of humor or is it just dumb luck?

Airline fares are at an all-time low. It is officially cheaper to fly than it is to take the bus. I heard a comment that the legacy carriers are afraid of the low-cost airlines stealing all of their passengers. In reality, Greyhound should be more afraid.

I still enjoy arguing with the difficult passengers about the things that I have no control over. I had a passenger actually complain that there were too many video selections to choose from. He was serious.

I still laugh at special meal names like passenger Lipshitz, Blockhead and Thrush.

What about the passenger fast asleep with his or her mouth so wide open that it makes you want to toss something into it?

While boarding, look for the passenger who pretends to be asleep stretched across three seats, in order to reserve his bed. Then watch his disappointment when he finds out it is a full flight.

How about the passengers who get on at the last minute with eight carry on bags, and there's no luggage room left on the plane?

During take-off, watch out for the tough guys who forgot to tell their girlfriends of their fears of flying.

What about the man fast asleep whose head has turned -- but his toupee hasn't?

How about the passengers who shout to each other with their earphones on?

Or the man who snores so loudly that you can feel it two cabins back.

Then there are the passengers who try to get out of their seats with their seatbelts or earphones still on.

Observe the father who sits in first class and occasionally visits his wife and kids in economy. Then look at all the wives scowl in disgust.

Look behind you during the saddest part of a movie and see the hundreds of teary eyes.

I chuckle at the passengers who get into debates about how much time is left on the flight.

Look for the unfortunate passenger telling a gay joke to the wrong male flight attendant.

Or the men who insist on going to the toilet during rough turbulence, and look for the result on their trouser leg.

What about the passenger who spends twenty minutes trying to pull the toilet door open, when it's clearly marked PUSH?

Then there is that one passenger who practices aerobics in the back and is determined to walk around the plane for exercise…the twentieth time you see him, you want him dead.

You might say, "Oh, grow up!" But I say, why? There are already too many grown-ups in the world.

Laugh, because it is so much more fun than complaining or letting life get you down. It's all in how you look at the world. Who knows, by laughing, you might just enjoy your time on this rock a bit more. Send me some of your funny moments in-flight and I would be glad to share them with everyone.

James Wysong has worked as a flight attendant with two major international carriers during the past fifteen years. He is the author of the "The Plane Truth: Shift Happens at 35,000 Feet" and "The Air Traveler's Survival Guide." For more information about Frank or his books, see his Web site or e-mail him.