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All Choked Up
James Wysong · August 15, 2004

It's one thing to fantasize about meeting your airline's chief executive officer on a flight and giving him a piece of your mind.

It's quite another to share a piece of your dinner. Or, to be specific, to throw up on him.

Here's my true story of regurgitating revenge.

We had been given the word the airline's CEO was going to be on our flight that day and instructed to be on our best behavior. I was brand new to the airline and scared to death of anyone in upper management. The one saving grace was that I was working in economy class and would probably not see him at all.

Maggie, an older co-worker, sighed, "I wish I was working up front. I would give him such a piece of my mind. And if he wouldn't talk to me, I'd spit right in his food. He is one of the main reasons that this airline is going under."

Maggie was a fun flight attendant to work with. Her favorite saying was, "I am big, black, and jolly - now leave me alone."

Before boarding, the purser made an announcement that the CEO was known to come back and talk to the crew during the flight from time to time. If he did, we were reminded to be careful about what we said.

"Good, I hope he does," Maggie said. "I got lots to talk to him about."

I looked at her and smiled but I was now afraid of her too. I was on probation, and during the first six months you can be fired at the drop of a hat. You don't have to be given a reason; you get no appeals or union representation, just a "buh-bye!"

The flight went along uneventfully and the service ended, the movie played on, and no visit from "Mr. Big." I heard that he had a couple of rum and cokes and passed out. I was starving but didn't want to go up to first class to get a meal in case I ran into our guest.

So I searched the galley for an extra meal and found a chicken entrée, but no clean silverware. I closed the curtain to the galley and looked around to see my co-worker reading her book. I turned to the wall, grabbed the breast of chicken with my fingers and took a huge bite.

Seconds later, a hand tapped me on the shoulder.

I spun around. I was face to face with the CEO.

I took a step back, gasped, and began to choke on the chicken. I coughed and gurgled, sputtered and convulsed as Maggie and the CEO looked on.

With one large cough, I finally managed to clear my airway. The oversize bite of chicken was propelled out of my mouth, across the galley, and landed on the CEO's shoes.

I froze in fear, he froze in shock, and Maggie stared with a wide-eyed grin. He looked to Maggie for a reaction.

"He's said just about all that I have to say to you!" she replied.

The CEO kicked the carcass off his shoes and replied an awkward, "Okay, I think I'm done here." He turned and walked away.

Maggie turned to me with joy, and gave me a huge bear hug.

"I couldn't have said that better if I had tried," she said. "Thank you."

I hid in the toilet for the rest of the flight and tried to keep the lowest of profiles for the duration of the flight. To this day, 15 years later, I am not very comfortable talking to top management. I guess you could say I get all…choked up.

That's not to say I wouldn't mind giving our CEO du jour a piece of my mind.

When he claims to "feel the pain" while slicing up every employee's paycheck, I want to know where his pain comes from. Is it his guilty conscience? Because I know it's not coming from his fully-stocked bank account.

My advice to the people at the top: Realize that many people rely on you to be fair and to return the company to profitable times. When you say you feel the pain, really feel it or at least do a better job pretending.

Shame on those of you that are getting away with the obscene salaries while you reduce the checks and pensions of your front-line workers. And while you laugh your way to the bank, you'd better hope there is no such thing as karma.

Because your employees are betting on it.

James Wysong has worked as a flight attendant with two major international carriers during the past fifteen years. He is the author of the "The Plane Truth: Shift Happens at 35,000 Feet" and "The Air Traveler's Survival Guide." For more information about Frank or his books, see his Web site or e-mail him.