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First Class Babies
James Wysong · March 3, 2004

You're fed up with the small seats, meager meals, and wine with screw-off tops in economy class. It's time for a little class in your life, you say to yourself.

It takes a couple of months to rationalize the first class fare, which is three times the price of an economy-class ticket. But your sanity is worth it, you think.

You make your way to the first class lounge, grab a paper and have a steaming hot cup of coffee until the boarding of your flight is announced.

You get to your seat on the plane. Someone hangs up your jacket and offers you a pre-departure cocktail. Now this is living, you think to yourself, realizing you have made the right choice.

The door is ready to close when you see a mother and a crying infant step onto the airplane.

You glance at the empty seat next to you and in an instant, fear for the worst. You pray this lady passes you and heads for economy. But instead, she plops her baby onto the seat, stows her bag in the overhead bin, and hands a baby bottle to the nearest flight attendant.

No, this couldn't be.

It's not supposed to happen this way, you think to yourself as the infant glares at you in between screams. Translation: I am going to make your flight hell.

You quickly put your headphones on over your earplugs and try to block out any sign of the neighbor seat. After take-off, the little rascal vomits on your shoes and you can just tell that the other end of him has produced a similar aromatic present.

You can't complain to the flight attendant because it would make you seem like the most evil of passengers. Quite frankly, what could the crew possibly do? Nothing. And that's exactly what they will tell you.

"You were a child once, too, you know?" is a possible snippety mother's reply.

"Yes, but I never flew first class."

The kicker of the whole story is that the lady with the infant is oftentimes an employee or upgrade. So she isn't even paying for her ticket.

As a flight attendant, this angers me to no end. In my opinion, children under a certain age should not be allowed to sit in first class, no matter if they are paying for it or not. It's not fair. The baby doesn't appreciate the complex service. There is probably a seat in the back with a spare next to it so the baby can move around, and everyone else in the first class cabin can enjoy the journey that much more.

No offense to those of you in the economy section, but from time to time a baby or two is expected back there. I have been in many debates about this with mothers, fellow workers, and passengers.

I believe it should be a first class law. Some airlines already have those regulations, but not any American carriers that I know of. Maybe they are fearful of offending somebody. Well, by not enforcing rules such as these, they are offending everyone else in the cabin.

Airlines need those passengers willing to pay a higher price, but are usually oblivious to their common gripes. Business people and upgrade travelers, I urge you to write to your airlines and demand it. They will eventually listen to you if you threaten your loyalty.

Meanwhile, realizing the baby is not going to stop yelling, you get up, walk to the back, and search for an empty seat away from the screaming little bundle of goo. Your first class fantasy, and all the money or frequent flyer points it involved, has just been trashed right down the diaper shoot.

James Wysong has worked as a flight attendant with two major international carriers during the past fifteen years. He is the author of the "The Plane Truth: Shift Happens at 35,000 Feet" and "The Air Traveler's Survival Guide." For more information about Frank or his books, see his Web site or e-mail him.